Singing like a canary...

Before I went for my run tonight, I was checking my Twitter account on my mobile and ended up reading some of the tweets other people have generated that I've marked and saved as favorites. Some I've stored as favorites because the point being made is an interesting one, some because they link to a document that I want to look at later and some simply because they made me laugh out loud. Rediscovering this one hit the proverbial funny bone and bouyed me along throughout my entire run this evening:

I've woken up with calfs like an angry tranny
@TeamRivers

I've had a Twitter profile for over a year but couldn't really see any reason to tweet or read anyone else's tweets. I sort of missed the point. That is, until the bad weather hit us in December of last year when Twitter became a bit of a lifeline in trying to find out what buses and trains were running. I didn't really tweet much myself until the summer of this year when my friend, @Jaime_Falarczyk, bullied me into taking an interest and I liked what I saw. When I started this blog I found tweeting an excellent way of publicising new posts.

Being a relatively new and a moderately taciturn tweeter, I don't have that many followers. Compared to some tweeters with their followers running into thousands (@stephenfry has over 3 million followers), my select and discerning group of 53 is absolutely miniscule. However, that is not the point. The things I like about Twitter are its immediacy, its local relevance and the dazzling (and sometimes obscene) examples of wit that lift your spirits and make your day. With that in mind (and with a warning that some of these are quite filthy), I offer you some of the tweets that have made me smile over the last couple of months (twitticisms, if you will):

How to give a great handjob. Step 1: Use your mouth.
@TheCowlicker

Some people just need a highfive. In the face. With a chair.
@nicklawliet

@Squibby_ saw this on someone's profile and thought of you... "looks aren't everything, but you can't wank over personality"
@Neily82

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver
@jimmiecee

I was absolutely disgusted after I accidentally clicked on some gay porn today. Worst 3 hours of my life.
@A1

So "it's raining men" is a song about bukkake?
@matted1

How many homophobes does it take to change a lightbulb? None; they fear change even if it makes the world brighter.
@TeamBrittana

I was SEVENTEEN before I realised the teams on University Challenge didn't sit on top of each other.
@sensiblestu

I've not had sex in so long, when I fart, only dogs can hear it.
@PTLeeDillon

Twitter does seem to attract nastiness sometimes doesn't it? But luckily being a sexual health doctor I'm used to dealing with dicks. ;-) x
@DoctorChristian

You can see for yourself by signing up for Twitter here and you can follow me by clicking on the Get Twatted button in the right hand menu.

Thanks, @duncanalexander!